How come I can never catch a break. Strange things always happen to me. I went grocery
shopping a couple weeks ago and bought a container of potato salad.
Well wouldn’t you know it while on the way home, the thing rolls out of the bag and hides
behind some junk I had in the trunk. When I got home and unloaded the bags I had so much on
my mind that I didn’t notice the potato salad was missing.
Then a week later went grocery shopping again. Go to pop the trunk and it reeked like something
had died! I thought "What is that!" Looked around and saw the potato salad. It was nasty. The
container had popped open and it was a mess. I mean there was an entire ecosystem growing in
there! Some strange mutant potato salad creatures even came crawling out and tried to bite me.
Anyway, the whole thing was so gross I decided to torch the trunk, but the Salad Creature
Ecosystem Society heard about my situation and commandeered my vehicle. They told me
"You’re a rich rock star, go buy yourself a new car. These defenseless potato creatures are only
doing what nature intended them to do." And that I must be the "most cruel, heartless person on
the planet" for wanting to destroy them.
What did I ever do to deserve this?
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