Interviewer: Is it true that you’re having an affair with Mrs. Fields and that Mr. Fields is very angry?
Billy: Excuse me? Who told you that?
Interviewer: Betty Crocker.
Billy: Oh she did huh. Well Betty needs to get her facts straight, that little strumpet.
Interviewer: Strumpet? Why do you say that?
Billy: Because she’s been cheating on the Hamburger Helper with that Gorton’s Fisherman guy
for three years.
Interviewer: Really? That’s quite a juicy tidbit. But back to my original question, are you
having an affair with Mrs. Fields? And what about Mr. Fields, I understand he has a brutal temper. Aren’t you worried about him
coming after you?
Billy: If you would’ve been a good reporter and done some research on your story, you would
know that Mr. Fields died five years ago in a freak cookie factory accident. It was horrible, there
were three batches of cookies that contained Mr. Fields instead of chocolate chips. I’m the first
person Mrs. Fields has dated since this happened.
Interviewer: How’s the relationship going?
Billy: Good. She brings me cookies all the time.
Interviewer: So that old saying is true, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
Billy: I wish more women would realize that. A man’s gotta eat you know.
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