Interviewer: Tell me about your current tour. I heard you guys are actually driving across the
country. Can you explain this?
Billy: Yeah, we were told that we needed to cut back on production costs. We weren’t willing
to sacrifice the quality of our gig in any way so we decided to save on transportation. Instead of
flying from city to city, we’ve got vans and SUV’s to carry everyone. Man it’s been torture.
Interviewer: Why?
Billy: You try driving eight hours with Elton as your passenger! Sheesh! Seems like we had to
stop every ten miles cause he needed to use the rest room. Kept drinking too many of those diet
Cokes! When it’s his turn to drive, he drives like a little old lady from Pasadena! Now look at
him, sleeping through this interview!
Elton: I heard that! I wasn’t sleeping you bloke.
Billy: Boy, somebody’s grouchy. What’s wrong with you? PMS?
Elton: Shut up Billy! And I do not drive like an old lady! And what about you? You drive like a maniac! I have to
close my eyes or I’ll get motion sickness. Where did you learn to drive?! In a police pursuit?!
You rogue.
Billy: Yeah yeah whatever lil’ Miss Goody Two Shoes. You’re always like this. Get this, he
loves flowers right? So he brings along this big fricken’ floral arrangement. The thing stinks.
I’m sneezing my tail off and it’s agrivating my asthma. I finally had to chuck the thing out the
window along Interstate 15.
Elton: You destroyed a fine floral arrangement you idiot!! You should be ashamed of
yourself. Those flowers cost me £30,000!
Interviewer: You spent £30,000 on a floral arrangement?
Billy: Yeah and you don’t want to know how much those ugly shoes he’s wearing cost.
Elton: Shut your trap! You spent $100,000 on Pizza and Mountain Dew. And that was just one
night!
Billy: Hey, a man's gotta eat.
Elton: Hmph!
Billy: Well I’m not the one who carries 50 bags of luggage full of tiaras and shoves it into the car, leaving no
room for my stuff! GEEZ! I was about to dump that junk along Interstate 10 when we were
driving from Los Angeles to Phoenix. What a horrific trip.
Interviewer: What happened?
Billy: Well, four eyes here....
Elton: Hey! Stop calling me that you turkey!
Billy: See what I mean? Temper temper! Sheez. Anyways, Flower Child got his little panties in a bunch
because I wanted to listen to this jazz station.
Elton: Call me another name one more time I’m going to...
Billy: What? Wet your shorts? You did that already.
Anyways, he didn’t feel like listening to jazz, he wanted to listen to the stupid talk radio station.
Elton: They were having a fascinating disccusion about flora and fauna...
Billy: Yeah yeah, I never even heard of that group. Well it was boring as heck...but lil prissy here
wanted to listen to it.....and after flipping back and forth between stations, I finally gave in and
let Elton listen to his stupid talk radio just to shut him up!
Elton: I’ve had enough of this abuse! I swear I’m going to beat you!
Billy: Ha Ha, are you threatening me?
Elton: That’s not a threat. It’s a promise!
Billy: You want to take this outside?
Elton: Absolutely!
Interviewer: I’m puttin’ fifty bucks on Elton! Hey you guys this would be perfect for Pay Per
View.
|
